Title: Rapture Ready Rover

Have you arranged for your pet’s care after you are raptured away?

Um, no. I hadn’t thought that far ahead.

Most believers haven’t thought this through. But no worries, I provide post-rapture pet care.

Are you sure that will really be necessary?

Absolutely! Pets don’t have souls. So when you fly up to heaven, Rover and Mittens will be left behind.

That’s really sad to think about. So how does this post-rapture pet care work?

For a small fee I’ve hired a group of atheists who will stay and take care of your pets.

That’s very nice of them to make such a sacrifice.

The atheists will die in your lord so your pets may live.

How do I know they’ll be left behind too?

They’re atheists. And to make sure, they’ve properly blasphemed in order to ensure they stay put.

But if they’re atheists, how do I know they’ll take good care of my pets?

Most atheists are good people, like everybody else. They just don’t believe in your god.

But the good book says that lions and lambs will lay down together in heaven.

Are your pets a lion or a lamb?

No, I have a dog, two cats and some fish.

Well, there ya go then. They aren’t going to heaven. Lions and lambs only.

How do I know you’ll really follow through and take care of my pets after I’m gone?

It’s a binding contract so I’m still obligated by the law. We can sign it in blood if you want.

What happens if I lose my faith before the rapture?

Then the contract is null and void. But no refunds.

On the one hand I think this is really a scam.

We don’t expect to ever have to perform the contract, so you may be right.

But on the other hand, if I don’t really believe in the rapture, then I don’t believe enough in my faith to GET raptured.

You’re really screwed either way. So think of it as an insurance policy.

Don’t overfeed the fish.

http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/